I was the first in my group of friends to have a baby, and I remember feeling kind of lost. I had family, I'd call my mom if I had any pregnancy questions, but nobody my age was having babies. I figured it would be easy to make mom friends, but pregnant moms aren't really great at making friends. Myself included. They have lots to do trying to make a birth plan and scheme for Chinese food three nights in a row.
Okay, so I figured I'd have the baby and be welcomed with open arms into the Mom Club.
One of the baby nurses told me I was the most comfortable new mom she'd ever seen. This sealed the Mom Club deal for me - in my mind, anyway.
Fast forward a few months. I was so busy being a mom I didn't really make any new friends at first, and then I found myself suddenly pregnant with number two. My boy was six months old and his brother was three months along, and I couldn't breastfeed anymore. I will never forget the moment when, surrounded by the moms I was hoping would be my new friends, I found myself thoroughly berated as soon as the bottle hit my son's lips.
Oh. So that's how it is.
And it continues.
We have crunchy moms and soccer moms. Home-birthers and Hospital-birthers. C-section havers and C-section haters. Co-sleepers and Cry-it-outers. Home school, public school, private school, and the ever exclusive daycare waitlisters.
The thing is, it's all right to define your mothering (I guess.) But why so mean? Is it the hormones? I'll bet it's the hormones. I can say that, I used to have them. Ain't nobody got time for hormones around my house anymore. :::goes into hiding until the hormone comment blows over:::
I don't even know where I fit anymore. I've decided to start my own club, and I hope there is someone out there who can join it. It's the Large Family Single Stay-at-Home and Working Eat Whatever is on Sale but do Enjoy a Salad Want to Garden but Have a Black Thumb Public School and Home School and Picky about Housework but Don't Have Time to do it Doesn't Use Diapers AT ALL Ex-Breast and Bottle Feeder Currently a Feed Your Own Selfer Because I'm too Busy Stay up Late Wishing You Could Sleep SUV Driving Corvette Loving Soccer, Football, Baseball, Basketball as long as it's at My House No Time for Playdates Blogging Country Rebel Can't Do it All Mom's Club. (That's LFSSHWEWSESWGHBTPSHSPHDHTDUDWYCSSDCLSFBBMHNTPBCRCDAMC for short.)
So maybe my club is a little exclusive, but that's not just mine. If we're all honest, every mom I know can label herself right out of having any friends at all. I know you're busy, too.
I'm not trying to sermonize, because I fully admit that there are things on the label-list that will make me run the other direction. For me, it's any of the labels that have to turn into a life passion. "I like babies with curls so much that I shall make it my life's work to ensure that all babies the world over have them. I shall holler at the parents of straight-haired children. I shall post curling techniques on Pinterest. I shall dedicate my Facebook page to straight-haired rants! I shall manage to drop 'curl' into every conversation. All the world shall know of my achievement in the art of curls!"
Just STAHP. Be nice. If your kids aren't jerks, we all promise to recognize that you're doing a good job. If your kids are jerks, well, I'll still be your friend as long as you don't try to set up any playdates.